Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Newsworthy?


In keeping with the increasing crappiness in standards of journalism of our times, a substantial amount of media attention is devoted to "Page 3 celebs" and people who in all probability, do not deserve any of it.
Now do not ask me what kind of people qualify to be Page 3 celebs. For I do not know myself.

Here's a glossary of sorts to elucidate further on who and why or how exactly they land up in the news, although you know THAT already, I guess :-

Ranbir Kapoor:- For whoring his way through tinsel town. Be it some married older socialite, or coochie-cooing with Anushka Sharma/Katrina Kaif or getting all hot and heavy with some model-turned-wannabe-actress (Angela Johnson? or was it Thompson?) his exploits in the can't-keep-it-in-my-pants department make for a great page-turner.

Sonam Kapoor:- For wearing good clothes. And accessorizing them with good shoes. And you know, good bags. And good jewellery. And making appearances at events for...reasons best known to her and the event-organizers.

Mallika Sherawat: For not wearing clothes.

Uday Chopra: For realizing too late that he should've retired from acting right after his debut.

Shah Rukh Khan: For his latest version of Himani Navaratna Tel ad. Or a jibe at Aamir Khan. Or giving an impassioned speech (punctuated with barely-concealed self-admiration) while receiving an award for best acting, nobody gives a shit about. Also for being at the receiving end of the wrath of few disgruntled IIPM students.

Abhishek Bachchan: For his "Pa", ma, wife, unborn kid(s) OR an Idea ad.

Katrina Kaif: For denying relationships with Akshay Kumar and Ranbir Kapoor and Salman Khan. Also for being the only Bollywood actress who doesn't have to fake a foreign accent.

Salman Khan: For assaulting people (psychologically or otherwise) with his fabulously shitty movies and shittier driving. Or for trying to threaten ex-girlfriend's current beau into submission, by calling him up n number of times.

Aamir Khan: For deciding to flaunt a bizarre new mustache for random declared-hit-even-before-release movie.

Imran Khan: For the above mentioned person.

Deepika Padukone: For fuming over being dumped unceremoniously.

Ekta Kapoor: For changing her astrologer/numerologist/tarot card reader for the 97462354th time. Also for generating widespread alarm on dropping the letter "K" from her serial names.

Arindam Chaudhuri: For well...being the author of books which become best-sellers even before launch and running an institution which guarantees 100% fictional MBA degrees with 100% placements in 100% fictional organizations.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali: For making a movie with a supposedly ground-breaking new theme, which often turns out to be a scene-by-scene copy of some phoren filum few people have heard of.

Aishwarya Rai: For making fashion faux passes at Cannes and Oprah and the Oscars every alternate year and posing for photographs, with that famous plastic smile intact.

Ram Gopal Verma: For expressing support for a psychopath murderer so that some people finally take note of the fact that he is still around making movies.

Chetan Bhagat: For posting intelligent tweets and deleting them later on 'cause they proved to be too intelligent for ordinary people to comprehend.

Karan Johar: For threatening to make a sequel to Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, (possibly pissed off with all the gay jokes on twitter).

Last but not the least,

Wait...I can't remember if I actually have dementia or if it is my lawyer's idea to get me out of jail!!
Suresh Kalmadi: Previously, for pretending he does not know anything. Now in the news for actually not knowing anything anymore.

(Since I'm unsure about who a Page-3 celeb actually is and given the obscene amount of coverage he has been given since last year, Honourable current Tihar-Jail-inmate Mr Suresh Kalmadi surely deserves a special mention in this department)

P.S: Feel free to add names to this list, in the comment box.
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Photo courtesy: Google Images



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30 comments:

Prateek said...

SRK is indeed a real pain, saradon failed to counter his attack in my head. First, it was he and Karan than Red Chili Pepper.
Ranbir is a stud. He can “fit” anywhere.
Deepika is also a chic she can fit “anyone”.
Salman is a man of honour yaar but his driving skills are par from any human interpretation, that is why he prefers autos after late night now.
Abhishek ko bhi koi idea nahi hai. You know what I mean. *Sniff*
Sanjay Leela Bhansali is still recovering from Saawriya, apparently.
Ekta Kapoor, I did a post on her. Enough said. :D

But above all where is Ram Gopal Verma ki (main) Aag, Ajay Devgan’s loose (pant) attitude, Ranveer Singh’s unethical way to eat?


Suresh babu is the only one who deserve to be on Page3, at least he has done something along with A. Raja.

Max said...

Take it you dislike Bollywood :-p

Rachit said...

Were they all from Page 3? They use to be page 3 celeb some 10 years back, now they occupy page1,2,3,4 and all. For both electronic and print media there can't be a news other then of this few born with a golden spoon people.

For news that matters : http://n2mn.blogspot.com/

cheers,
Weakest Link

Purba said...

There are hordes of them who are more seen that heard. You can spot them from a mile with their mammoth Chanel handbags, tiny dresses, fake smiles and botoxed foreheads.

But they make for good tweets. If everyone decides to be sane and sober, how boring life will become :)

Meera Sundararajan said...

You are so right, I dont know why Page 3 is so popular. But then there is no supply without demand. I have seen people ignore the front page and turn to page 3 the moment they get a newspaper in their hands. Times of India and Deccan Chronicle are the worst offenders on this score. BTW you left out dear old "Bebo" - her claim to fame being Kareena Kapoor. Every movie she acts in she seems to tell the audience "Look at me I am kareena kapoor" - the most over rated pretentious person among the page 3 crowd. It is about time that journalists decided if this is how they want to continue making a living!!!!

Mehak said...

Hilarious post! I think you covered all the really irritating ones but I'll add:
-Ram Gopal Verma for making another pointless useless film which flops even before release.
-Emraan Hashmi for appearing in yet another sexed-up role where he does nothing but make puppy-dog faces and lip-sync songs that become the only thing people remember him for.

Nethra said...

Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sherawat aren't Page 3 items?

Snow Leopard said...

LOL...quite an acidic post
Ok let me add some now:
Anu Malik for stealing from everyone
Pritam for stealing from Anu Malik
Anu Malik again for crying foul.
Mallika Sherawat for doing something in less clothes.
Poonam Pandey for raising everyone's hopes.
Amitabh Bachhan for being Amitabh Bachhan.
Manmohan Singh for playing the lead in Singham.
KRK for being a Dick.
Sonam Kapoor for....ok no has a clue why she gets listed.
.......................there are so many.

spirit.alive91 said...

this was awesome :D

Samadrita said...

@Prateek: Yay you're my first commenter. Well thanks to your suggestion I added RGV's name to the list. :D

@Max: Well there's hardly anything to like, really. :P

@Rachit: Hahaha well said. They do occupy all pages now-a-days. Sigh!

@Purba di: That's so very true. I mean without them, how would I write such a blog post? :P

@Meera Sundararajan: Ah yes I did not mention her, her claim to fame is that she is a Kapoor and size 0. And despite all her movies being flops, she is somehow still a hit.

Alka Gurha said...

Some are having a ball thanks to their looks and pedigree...Lucky.

Murali said...

The news media have long gone to the gutters and what else remained of them, to the dogs....please forgive me dogs, for dragging you in here....


But are they blogworthy? :P

Deguide said...

Blockbuster post on newsmakers there. There are few more to add to the list :
Shekar Suman for his rise like phoenix after bombing in Utsav in comedy circus.
Archana puran singh for her laughing gas.
Navjot Sidhu for his ism, Wickets are like wives, you never know which way they will turn.

shrutianime said...

Great post!! ^^ Loved the humour~

@Murali : Certainly blogworthy and not very newsworthy.

ajay said...

Hilarious! :D Digvijay Singh certainly deserves space on page-3.

CRD said...

Bipasha Basu and John Abraham are always in the news. And they feature together more now that when they were actually together.

Baba 'Wink-Wink' is also quite prominent, more for his shenanigans than for yoga.

A note of caution...uve mentioned a certain pony-tailed moron in your post. Better tread cautiously while writing about him, coz he's known to be quite a wimp and loves suing people for defamation in courts located in the North East :P

Cheers
CRD
www.scriptedinsanity.blogspot.com

Inviting you and your readers to a contest, details of which are on my latest post

Cloud Nine said...

Hahaha! All page 3 celebs would now be twisting and turning;) No mention of Amar Singh? Shashi Tharoor? Baba Ramdev? Team Anna? LOL!!!

Anish said...

Shahid,Hrithik,Arjun Rampal for looking so pretty..so beautiful..so..umm..feminine?and in case of the later two their arm candy wives..

Seriously though the people appearing on page 3 are mostly superficial,shallow and vain.All the female models thrusting their face in the camera look like bimbos..well they ARE bimbos..and the guys look like pornstars..or male bimbos...Alas there are people in our country who love these and lap it up which is why the newspapers print this stuff to sell more.

Very funny article btw!The truth delivered in a humorous manner.

Priyanka said...

You forgot Ms. Sawant and Mr. Reshammiyya? They deserve a mention EVRYWHERE, don't you think?:P So talented, I tell you.

Hilarious post, this:D
Keep going!

Lazy Pineapple said...

haha..good sarcastic post..loved it and even though Page 3 is crappy we all still read it :) and enjoy the stupidity dished out :P

Congrats for the Blogadda pick..

Being Pramoda... said...

enjoyed the read yar..:)

☆ ayu☆ said...

i actually dont know anything about your country's celebs but this post really made me smile ( and laugh a bit)..it's somewhat unbelievable and ridiculous but interesting in a sense..like one might say "ah.. everyone has a unique trait :P"


btw.about dengeki daisy, yeah..it is a big age diff. but the way it was presented ..i guess there's no problem to it..not to mention kurosaki is handsome :D

Rinaya said...

I'm glad I get The New Indian Express-their page 3 has city news,about motorcycle-lifters & chain-snatchers!At least that is more useful than the crap we usually get.Page 3 goes by the funda of being famous no matter what..
Awesome post...Must have taken a lot of time summarizing the finer qualities of these so-called celebs!

Giribala said...

My favorite are Rakhi sawant and Baba Ramdev!

Arun said...

Nice Read...It just proves how much media crazy these so called celebs are. Keep Posting.Cheers!

Praveen Salitra said...

Now Add one more..
Hina Rabbani Khar: for Birkins and smiles..

Lakshmi Rajan said...

How how how can you forget the eternally, magically in love Saif Ali Khan ;) Saif flies to London to be with Bebo, Saif buys diamond for Bebo, Saif does that , Said does this .. :P Saif is unsafe without bebo dahling ...

notesbymohit said...

hey! awesome past...
everyone ripped apart to pieces :D
and the ones about Uday Chopra and Arindam Chaudhari were legendary

keep posting
Mohit

Nik said...

Hey ... That was an awesome post ... Was LOLing throughout :)

Few more additions to the list -
Amitabh Bachchan - For sneezing, pulse rate increasing/ decreasing by 2%, feeling that weather is good, congratulating indian team for winning, etc. etc.

Rajnikanth - Well ... He is Rajnikanth
Sachin - For reasong even he doesn't know anythin about
Dhoni - For his hair style, eating habits, driving skill etc.

BTW. .. Nice name for the blog!

Rudraksha said...

awesome and very informative post thanks for sharing
navratan

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