Saturday, May 07, 2011

Pages from the diary of a Serial Plagiarist

Dear Diary,
                 You know how *awesome* I'm right? I think this word was created with the very purpose of defining my otherwise indescribable greatness. I can't even begin to list all of my achievements within the limited time I've spent on this planet...err the internet I mean. I'm the Master of Deception in the virtual world. I can win anyone's approval or trust within minutes/hours. I can get unsuspecting new bloggers to swoon over my writing, conveniently ignoring the fact that it is actually shit. With the 1000+ fans on my Facebook page and 400+ followers on my blog, I qualify as a miniature Messiah to them. I created a whole new blogging platform just for the sake of gaining more devotees. And that idea was original too. I befriend all new bloggers on Facebook, poke them 10 times a day as a gesture of my friendliness, sweep the females off their feet with corny lines about their beauty, grace and whatnot. And mind you, age is not a bar for flirting.

I lose count of the number of blogging contests I have won over the years. And all of them by fluke too. Of course I don't participate in the useless ones which offer you a paltry reward like a t-shirt. I nail them...big ones...oh yeah. Bloggers vote for me blindly, because I'm too popular for my own good. Man oh man you can't even call me a narcissist when it is the people who worship my notorious sweet-talking ways, fall for my false words of praise and drool over my cheesy posts fraught with grammatically incorrect English. I compose sentences which always inevitably end with an exclamation mark ("!") but duh nobody knows English enough in our country to point that out. Besides what's wrong with a simple exclamation mark or even punctuation, for that matter? I mean the whole idea of stringency over English grammar, punctuation and spellings is over-rated. Trust me even content isn't a big deal.

Whenever you're out of ideas just use "CTRL+C" and "CTRL+V". Apply this magic trick on blogs which are less popular on the internet, not visited by your usual readers. And TADA you have a new creative streak in you. Your dumbass readers are flabbergasted, confused about how you could come up with a post full of English words even they had to look up in thefreedictionary.com. This is further proof of your genius as a writer. Also don't be afraid of being found out as long as you have carefully planned out the whole thing. Make sure you have edited the post in parts...changed a few words/expressions here and there like 'craved for' instead of 'longed for' and so on you know. Piece o'cake. You can repeat the same feat as many as times as you want.



But what if somebody actually unearths your dirty little secret? Don't worry....this is not the time to say a loud "Busted!" and commit harakiri. It is rather the opportune moment for you to gear up and invent cock and bull stories, counter accusations directed at the original writers. If you can't beat them, confuse them. And trust me it actually is quite a lot of fun. Negative publicity is also a form of publicity if you think about it carefully.

Worried about your cover being blown now? Don't sweat it....you can always make a hundred other profiles on Blogger, Twitter, Facebook and continue to thrive. Doesn't matter even if the entire blogging community shuns you. If you have the brains, you can pose as someone else and comment on your own post saying how kickass it is.

See I'm indestructible. I'm omnipresent, omniscient. I exist and I'll continue to.
As long as you continue to be ignorant.

___

P.S: For the 'ignorant' ones, this post is inspired from a recent episode in the blogosphere. To know further details have a look here.

A special mention to Prateek Bagri, my sweet blogger friend, who had asked why I hadn't updated my blog in a while. Cheerios and be wary of copycats!

18 comments:

Paulami said...

have been out of blogosphere for sometime. but thanks for letting us know.

Anish said...

Firstly this post is hilarious.Very funny and a highly entertaining read.It's kinda alarming because it's very close to the truth.

So in the end it's coming down to publicity and not your creativity.It's coming down to PR,not about the quality of what you write.And that is a very very sad thing indeed in any field.Taking someone's hard work and making it your own is something that's just not down.If you have been inspired MENTION IT!But you just can't take someone else's work and pass it off as your own and then defame the original writers.That's a very inhuman thing to do.It's disgraceful.

Ritu said...

Gosh I went through that thread. Its funny and disgusting at the same time

Pratul Bagri said...

Haha loved it. Sarcastic all through. Plagiarists are 'sour' people. If you know what I mean. ;)

Sparkling Star said...

KICKASS SARCASM!!!! Totally loved it!!! Every damn word is so TRUE!!

cloud nine said...

Biting sarcasm. Hope plagiarists get the point now. Love your courage, though. Thought of adding an exclamation mark (!) at the end of the first sentence, but scared to do so...

Nethra said...

Good one, sammmy! But it isn't enough. That guy is eviler than this.

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

this is really a wake up call to all bloggers..i mean we should properly credit those we linked in our blogs.

Gyanban said...

Such is life. !

Snow Leopard said...

Hmmm....dripping with sarcasm. But lets move on, I say. We learnt our lesson, and now should keep it in mind to ensure that such copy bloggers do not con us again.

But it was funny, the way he ended each sentence with an exclamation mark. Guess the guy was too "excited" with all the attention he was getting.

Prateek said...

Wow! I see my name in PS. You actually wrote it for me yet dedicated to a dedicated blogger with such a dedication that even dedication feels like dedicating itself to him; no I am not HUMBLE.
Super write up Sammy!! Cheers to me err I mean you. :P

Magali said...

Hmm, really great post!! What can I say? I am tired of all this controversy & I just want to chill for a while. But this post was entertaining to read.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

You know when I had read that post and the defending of the convicted, I felt like laughing. In hindi we say, 'chor ki daadi mein tinka' and 'ulta chor kotwal ko daante'. That was where I saw it before my own eyes. Even I wanted to write again there that leave him alone as giving air to this topic only gives him publicity, if not sympathy.
I just wish his private space on internet is never found, the place where he has been writing since past 8 years.
8 years on internet, hmm...

Nice post.

cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Pooja Menon said...

Hahaha.. Awesome.. Didn't know what was cooking till a while ago! He deserves much more than what you're written though.. :P .. Thanks.. :)

Purba said...

He engages in a proxy war with a rare finesse. Is a pathological liar and has not one but many many evil avatars. And takes bad mouthing to a new level.

Why is he wasting time on blogging - he should join Politics.

Alka Gurha said...

SP has surely angered someone......lets leave him alone.The best part is that he stands exposed.
Great read.

sawan said...

was slogging at work; u brt some smile in my life :)

Giribala said...

Heh...enjoyed reading it. Shame on the plagiarists.

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