Saturday, April 16, 2011

Heat and Hatred

This space has been a bit inactive of late. Curse this sudden onset of the dry season which has in all probability depleted me of my enthusiasm to write. Hence I've sought to remedy this predicament by seeking a guest writer's help.  Without further ado, let me introduce you to Pratul Bagri who blogs at Another World and who has come up with this fine humor post at my behest. Thank you Pratul. Over to you.  
___

Summers are finally here. And you know what that means....free tan! Okay not exactly.

It is that time of the year when tv program breaks would be ruled by fairness cream advertisements. It is that time again when we'll occasionally hear Kailash Kher croon "Aaya mausan thande thande Dermicool ka!" in his now familiar rustic tone.
 
For the likes of Barney Stinson it is the season of exposed skin. It is the time when females would be sighted during the daytime in trademark spaghetti straps and short skirts, causing a hormone-induced state of unrest in the male species.

As for me I am gearing up for the heavenly experience of  being stuck in a traffic snarl at 2 p.m., when the holy fumes of petrol hinder my otherwise normal breathing processes and the unnecessary honking of horns provide unwelcome music for my ears. Some hot-headed, moronic drivers also present me with a golden opportunity of improvising my slang vocabulary at such a time. The headache from the heat gives me the time to think about the headache from the heat.

It is the time when I discover to my utter dismay that some clothes don't fit me anymore due to the weight I have gained lazing around in the winters. It is the time when I seriously consider the idea of jogging, then think about actually doing it and eventually give up on the ambition.

The thing I hate most about summers is that we have unwanted guests. Like.... Lizards, Cockroaches, Ants. Aunts. Did I mention LIZARDS?

You must be wondering about the deal with lizards and me. Why do I hate 'em? Well the incident dates back to a few months in the past.

On a pleasant afternoon, I entered my room and saw a lizard leaning on my wall. MY WALL!

Me (Like a boss): Hey creep get outta here!

The Lizard looked at me and then at my "Say no to Justin Bieber" posters.

Lizard: These yours?

Me: Yeah, mine. Why am I answering you? Get outta my room.

The lizard kept looking at me. From the evil glint in its eyes I knew it was planning something sinister. I realized immediately that the lizard was a JB fan. Just my luck! There was no escape now.

A couple of unsightly pair of reptilian feet let go of my wall and the thing fell on me. I lost my balance and fell down in turn. The lizard caught hold of my neck and started strangling me, like a madman. (although technically speaking it can't be a man) The torture didn't stop there 'cause it started banging its head against mine as well. The pain was unbearable. My brain tried thinking of every escape route possible and then something clicked.

I spit on the lizard. Disgusted by my action it got off me. I grabbed the opportunity and kicked the damn thing in the shins. *silence*

Revenge will be taken...it will be.

Next thing I saw was the lizard on its knees holding its crotch, immobilized by the pain, unable to even scream. I was panting, it was time to finish this off. I turned around to grab a big book to hit the lizard. As soon as I turned my back it was gone. I searched every where but couldn't find it. This incident instilled insecurities in me, sometimes I feel I am being followed, sometimes I feel that my phone has been tapped. Maybe I am being paranoid or turning into a conspiracy theorist.

But I know one thing for sure, the next time we meet only one would survive. And I've been patiently awaiting my chance ever since.

It could also be that my hatred for lizards is a concept that has been incepted into my subconscious by Dom Cobb.
True Story.


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13 comments:

Ritu said...

ROFL Super awesome! Loved this encounter with the lizard, and I like his personality - a Justin Bieber fan!

Ice Princezz said...

Awesome! I actually laughed at the lizard encounter. Hilariuosly funny!

Anish said...

The heat has gotten to the owner of the blog,the guest blogger and the commenter of this post.Hilarious stuff!Great job fighting the lizard. XD

Nethra said...

That was one funny post, especially the encounter with Justin-Bieber-fan lizard. Btw, you should be thankful that the lizard wasn't Rebecca Black's fan too. That would have been a disaster otherwise.

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

this is very timely..i was just about to read your blog when i involuntarily said to myself 'it's so hot here..arrgghh..'

hahaha :D

d said...

LOL :D

Being Pramoda... said...

Summar is back..yayyy..;)

Samadrita said...

@Ritu di: I suppose the irritation of having an encounter with a Justin Bieber fan is the same as encountering a lizard stuck to your room wall. :P

@Ice Princezz: Glad you found it funny. Thanks to Pratul. :)

@Anish: I could relate to this post on several levels as my aversion towards lizards matches the author's. :)

Samadrita said...

@Nethra: LOL that would've been a disaster. Truly.

@ayu: It is indeed. :(

@d: Tee hee. :D

Giribala said...

Lol...Pratul came up with great stuff! I can't decide who to blame...heat or hatred.

Purba said...

Close encounters with the lizard man and that too a Justin Beiber fan!!

Or is the heat making your mind play tricks :p

But I still prefer the lizard to John Abraham endorsing a fairness cream.

Rashmi Nair said...

HHAHAHAHAHHHAHAH.......... thats all I have to say... I cudn't come up with a comment... thats as ingenious as ur post...... :P loooooooooved it girl

Alka Gurha said...

So different and entertaining.....great observations.Am glad I read it.

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