Wednesday, February 02, 2011

The V-word

And suddenly 'the season' is back with a vengeance in all its glory of newspaper pages crammed with dozens of ads on which place is offering you the biggest discount on purchase of cute heart-shaped cushions and cuddly teddy bears. The malls are overflowing with couples who don't discriminate between the escalators or inside of a book-store while considering probable places of cuddling up and getting touchy-feely. You are viewing too many number of billboards emphasizing the color red every time you're stepping outside the confines of your apartment. Your cell-phone inbox is being mercilessly spammed by messages such as 'Check your love compatibility' or 'Gift your partner with random thingamabob at blabbity-blah discount' and you're barely containing your urge to hurl the damn thing against the wall every time your phone informs you of an incoming text message.
Yes it is back indeed. The season of soapy mushiness and bubblegum pinkness. The V-day season, in other words.

Don't have a Valentine yet? You poor dear!
You're more unfortunate than an unsuspecting television viewer, watching Comedy Circus on Sony for the first time.
Don't stare into empty space you wanker! This is no time for being so complacent. Go woo that pretty girl in college, who is still single by a sheer stroke of good luck. How long do you think will it take for some creep to come along knocking on her door? I can already see people queuing up on her porch. And for God's sake don't use any of the tweets trending under the hash-tag of #bestpickuplines on her. She is more intelligent and net-savvy than you think she is.

Have a Valentine already? Woo hoo you the man!
But having a girl ain't enough. Have you started saving up on your allowance you dimwit? Who will pay for that bouquet of red carnations in these times when people are possibly making plans of stashing their bank account lockers with kilos of onions? Do you have the courage to go up to your dad with a pouting chest and hoodwink him into believing that you're actually in dire need of money for tuitions?
Forget the bouquet. Reserve that restaurant table first. And what about that ring with a diamond, the size of a grain of sand? Isn't that worth a year's beer+cigarettes+porn DVD rentals?

Penniless? Well the shopping malls and multiplexes were inducted into the "Hall of 21st century living" with just your deplorable condition in view. I mean, food-courts are totally affordable. Besides it's not that big a deal if you find a strand of hair floating in your raita once in a while.
So now we've considered all possibilities for your V-day preparations right? Let's look through them once again.

Ripping dad off-Check
Minimizing the month's expenses-Check
Facebook account for uploading pictures-Check
What? there's still something left?
Oh yes of course! How can I forget?
Last piece of V-day gyan : Be good to her. Be VERY good to her. You may just get some at night.

P.S: No it's not essential for you to know the history of Valentine's day in order to impress her. I mean c'mon, who the hell cares about some dead Roman saint? Half of that story is considered myth anyway. Burning a hole in your pocket on the 14th of February, is all that really counts.



Anish said...

This was hilarious!why do you write sad stories and poems when you can like entertaining stuff like this?Very enjoyable!!and yeah screw Valentines Day and proposing to someone on Valentine's day-I mean how cheesy can you get? :D

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

hahaha, it was sarcastically humourous. And, well, I'd rather hang out with my friends and watch the love birds flock in and out of places.
Perhaps, in engineering institutes, there's an old saying of 99% of the girls being beautiful and the rest of them being in our college. :P

Nice read.

Blasphemous Aesthete

Vivek Chamoli said...

I dont really look as a big buzz. .but now the media has definetly. made it presence.. .felt. .I look it more above girl n boy thing..its the day when we can express our love toward our parents and people around us.
to make them feel special.
Though for me everyday is V'DAY.


take care

Prateek said...


This was definitely of my genre. Btw, you made me a little insecure on this V-day. :D
For those who are committed or are trying hard to commit before 14th Feb my condolences are always with you, err….I mean my best wishes are always with you.

Rofl on the check list.
I wish you would have written disclaimer as—

Disclaimer: This post is written with the intention of hurting anyone's sentiments regarding V-day. I am merely trying to get over my writer's block that’s why I picked you, the love seeking souls. This is my blog; screw you, no sincerest apologies. :-P

D2 said...

Absolutely hilarious! I should say nothing too much as I regularly rip my dad off anyway. I do wish it wasn't so over hyped. It would make life so much simpler! :-/

Giribala said...

Great advice! Yeah, V is in the air. I am planning to write a love poem too!!

Samrat said...

LOL! very funny,well written seems like you are far too experienced,covering all the aspects. :P
Very interesting!
Keep posting

Samadrita said...

@Anish: C'mon I can write both. Emotional posts and funny ones like this one. I dabble in a little bit of everything. :)

@Blasphemous Aesthete: Perhaps, in engineering institutes, there's an old saying of 99% of the girls being beautiful and the rest of them being in our college. :P-C'mon I hope that doesn't apply to all engineering institutes. As I'm from one too.

@Vivek Chamoli: I agree with your line of thought. But to some people on this planet V-day is just a day where you blow a lot of money on strictly materialistic things. Love takes a backseat in these situations.

Samadrita said...

@Prateek: Haha you've no idea how tempted I was to write such a disclaimer. But at the last minute I scratched that idea. :P glad you liked it.

@D2: Haha it's completely alright. Ripping dad off is possibly the most natural thing to do for any kid on this planet. :P
And yes this day is definitely over-hyped.

@GB: So looking forward to your poem. :D

Purba said...

Why a disclaimer? You didn't need it.

It's more of peer pressure now...My boy friend gave me a ring, what did yours give you?

We went to Machhan for dinner...ooh it was so romantic!

Is V day still about romance? I doubt it~

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

It's true.
in engineering institutes, there's an old saying of 99% of the girls being beautiful and the rest of them being in our college.

You see? that's why you're not studying in my institute :P

And don't worry, you write beautifully, that I am convinced of.

Blasphemous Aesthete

RoHiT Iyer said...

Hahahaha... you totally screwed cupid's plans of doing some mass destruction eh!! Loved your post.. Keep 'em coming :D


Addy said...

Ripping Dad off -*check*
Restaurant table booking *check*
Bouquet *check*
Cuddly bears *check*
Minimizing month's expenses *check*
Facebook account for pic uploading *uncheck*
Girl *ummm.... difficult to choose*!!

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

heh heh heh.... v-day ki kya shurvat hai....:D

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

hey u inspired me to write something....:D

Misty Rhythm said...

haaahah that was hilarious!! and how true!!
Valentine's day should be renamed Archies' Day. poor Roman saint must be turning in his grave each year, year after year!
ty for the much needed laugh :)..keep writing!

Nethra said...

I don't have a boyfriend yet so I guess I will hunt for a boyfriend this V-day. :P

Satwinder Singh said...

Sarcasm can be used quite appropriately, as you have shown. Happy V-day.. :)

Alka Gurha said...

Pressure time again..Enjoyable post.

Zezebel said...

never celebrate v-day as my fiance doesn't want to celebrate it, hehe

Samadrita said...

@Purba di: Yep V-day is not about romance anymore, just the materialistic part of it. Ok I'll remove the disclaimer.

@Blasphemous Aesthete: Hmm I suddenly feel like a braggart. :D Thank you btw! :)

@Rohit: Thank you!

@Addy: o_O O_o O_O

@Sid: Okie will read your take as well. :D

Samadrita said...

@Misty Rythm: Glad you liked it. And thank you for the visit. :)

@Nethra: Shouldn't it be the other way round? like you celebrate V-day only when you have a boyfriend? :P

@Satwinder Singh: Glad you feel that way. :)

@Alka Gurha: Pressure time? pray why is that so?

@Zezebel: I'm sure your fiance is an intelligent guy. :P

omus said...

I think u wud like to read this...

likemymusings said...

impressive, very well written.

Enchanta said...

This was absolutely hilarious !!
V-day is undoubtedly overrated but in the end it makes for a nice happy laugh that it is indeed so and that we actually follow the set of instructions that you just happened to mention !!

reetam said...

hehe. that was absolutely hilarious.
i just remembered the time when my dad called me up on V-day (I was in Pune, then) and asked me who i was planning to marry on that day since the saffron brigades had decreed that any couples they come across they will marry off.
I wonder if not being able to afford a girlfriend could be considered lucky...

GvSparx said...

This was an awesome read throughout!
I really loved the way you put things throughout!!
And hey, NO VALENTINE for me :(
Any cute Delhi girl here??

GvSparx said...

Samadrita, where do you live ?

Samadrita said...

@likemymusings: *bows*

@Enchanta: I'm glad so far nobody has found this post to be offensive. Thanks for the blog visit. :)

@reetam: Was this the RSS or Shiv Sena? Well I guess this is one of the rare occasions when you could say not having a girlfriend/boyfriend is lucky indeed. :P

@GvSparx: Haha not anywhere near Delhi. I can atleast tell you that. :D
And thank you for liking the post. :)

GvSparx said...

Never mind ... I can travel :P:D

istupify said...

Hahahahaha! :D Well, as of me, I don't have a valentine! :D Never had one. Its difficult to choose from multiple options, you know, nobody is perfect! :P I'd just stay home, waste my money on cigarettes, and watch movies, while eating Pop Corn! :D Wish, I could drink beer at home! :P :P :P :D

Triptinz said...

I can haz finally found it! Go May go \m/ and before you get around to my identity I wonder if you still remember this - Take off like Shaktimaan =P

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