Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Definitely Maybe

'Relationships don't come with a guarantee card.' a very close friend had remarked on a lonely, rain-drenched afternoon while both of us were returning home from college.
I had been surprised by this declaration out of the blue. So when I asked her what this was about she said 'It's true isn't it?'
Later when I got back home and pondered over her statement I found quite a lot of merit in it.
Relationships really are capricious. There's no knowing when things might turn sour with a friend who has been your constant companion for years. Maybe you were inseparable at school but what happens when both of you graduate and end up in different colleges? Do you stay close as ever or do you look for a new best friend who can spend more time with you?
A couple acting all intimate and cosy this minute might start a fight of epic proportions in the very next one. I'm sure all of you've witnessed such a thing in public and amidst your circle of friends. Divorces have become so rampant that more and more to-be-wed couples are opting for pre-nuptial agreements these days. Marriage is no longer considered a bond of a lifetime or a holy communion of two souls. In fact I'm dead sure most people would feel disgusted to be reminded of things such as 'marriages are made in heaven'.

If we rewind to some twenty years back we'll undoubtedly find ourselves in a society with a different set of sensibilities and values. People showed more patience and understanding back then. And relationships didn't go awry the minute somebody had to compromise with their own selfish interests.
What is THIS rising new trend? It's like 'Ah what does it matter if I lose a friend?....I'll get another one.' or 'What does it matter if I lose a boyfriend/girlfriend..I can always get another one.'
I know I might be sounding like an 80-year old grandma with obsolete ideals but I can't help but be scared of this age of  'instant gratification'.

I know of a couple who had professed to being 'deeply in love' with each other but broke up over a fight on Facebook. Yes this is no cock-and-bull story concocted from my imagination but a true one. People who would flirt incessantly via tweets or status updates have also ended up deleting each other from their friend's lists after a brief spat or a break-up.
Isn't all of this ludicrously funny and alarming at the same time?
Are we paving the path for a future where all of us would be alone at the end of the day no matter how much fun we had at the hottest night-club with a 'hip crowd' the previous night?
People who'd show up if they were promised free food and beer might just vanish at the slightest hint of trouble even before you could bat an eyelash.
As they say, change is the only constant in life. The nature of relationships, the importance of a person in our life, priorities and even likes and dislikes keep altering over time.
But what about our beliefs and principles? should we be too quick to let go of those as and when the situation demands?
It's like we are more keen on giving up rather than face the hardship of trying to hold on.

At times I wish everything in life came with a guarantee card attached. That way I'll know of what to expect and decide on my level of involvement.
After all, real life is not twitter where you become strangers once again, after you've unfollowed each other. No strings attached.

Sig 2


Ritu said...

Ahhhh nothing comes with a guarantee card is such a true observation. It has its pluses and minuses. The plus is that even step moms can be as loving as real moms, mother in laws can be actually warm and nurturing and you can survive a horrible accident with just a few bruises. The negatives are there too. Ultimately the only person you are answerable to is yourself, make yourself the person no one wants to leave .... and the rest falls in place. Shallow responses are for shallow people

Anish said...

Ok.I don’t entirely agree with this post.

My first point-Define instant gratification.If by instant gratification you are alluding to sex then what’s wrong with it?like food,sleep-sex is also a primal need.People who take part in these instant gratification processes called “one night stands”-they don’t really except love or relationship.This might sound a bit crude-but they are just satisfying a primal need.

My 2nd point-

“It's like we are more keen on giving up rather than face the hardship of trying to hold on.”

Some people do try to hold on and save a relationship-They were called stalkers by the people they tried to mend their relationships with.

Finally-do you really think it’s better to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage than get divorced?I am sure the former wife of Rahul Mahajan won’t agree.Neither would the men and women facing domestic abuse-both mental and physical.

Rather than being with the wrong set of people-the wrong friends,the wrong partner-it’s better to be alone-won’t you agree?

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...


i really agree with you~ during the old times, people are more patient and not so selfish..nowadays, people treat relationship as common as taking a bath everyday,,they dont give importance to it..*sigh* i can really relate to this ..haha..i agree that there are couples who claim they are really inlove but because of nonsense fights they part ways..how stupid is that.? right..?

RE:@sammy: oohh! sammy..i know that the first ep. si kinda not so nice and shocking..if you dont like the NO LONGER HUMAN arc, try the other arcs!! RUN, MELOS is teh best among them for me! try it! :3

btw..I have included the sites on which you can watch AOI BUNGAKU online! check it out~! ^^


Hopeless Romantic said...

This is something which i have felt very strongly over the years. I have written about this also a lot of times on my blog, specially in the recent past. Relationships have become really cheap...there are no two ways about it. This is a cost which we have to pay for being so active on these social networking websites. Not only this, it saddens my heart tremendously when at small disagreements...people remove or block people, break friendships and disconnect from your world. In the end, what is left is your family, your wife and your small little world..and a society which will keep making and breaking relationships...though i still believe, if you are a bit patient, you can surely make great friends and build relationships. Unfortunately, patience is what people lacks these days!

Peace for all,

Samadrita said...

@Ritu: Yes indeed. I'm sure you have had more meaningful experiences and know much more about life and relationships than me.

@Anish: 'Instant gratification' doesn't only refer to sex. I was talking about fast friendships and fickle relationships. Those which do not take a decent stretch of time to develop and collapse all too soon as well.
You can hang out with a particular group of people day after day but it doesn't mean you become friends with them. 'Friendship' develops on its own pace.

And of course I am not trying to advocate what stalkers do. If both parties are not interested in being together then there's no stopping the inevitable. But sometimes we never give a relationship sufficient time or don't even try to understand a person.
If you didn't want it to last then why go into a relationship?
That's what I meant by 'instant gratification ' or by lacking patience.
A relationship always has its share of perks. The challenge is to make it last. :)

@ayu: Exactly. It's more like everybody else are doing it so I must do it too. People don't do things for a reason anymore. Or understand the significance of their acts. :(
I'll try watching Aoi Bungaku once more.

@Hopeless Romantic: Exactly what I had been intending to convey through this post. Completely agree with all that you've written.

Ananya said...

Very well written...made me ponder over this! but I guess at the end of the day we DO need someone to hold on to...other than people whom we have a blood relation with. Even the very insensitive ones among us. Does it really have to do with which generation we belong to?? I guess its human nature...just that nowadays we are blessed with more scope to socialize. Which our grandmoms probably didn't have...

Ankit said...

nah..i don't agree.For every break up there's a cosy couple, for every bad marriage there is a good one, for every lost friends there are new ones..i feel everything is balanced, you have stressed more on the negatives of life here.
And about the patience statement...we are always on the run nowadays. We. well atleast I have no time for patience.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Sam...a poignant observation..
these days people believe in superficiality...replaceable friends and life partners.
But it cannot be generalised..there still are friendships which last a life time..
As you grow older you change too and in this process many friends are left behind...but this is just the way it is...

abhishek said...

i can totally connect with what you`re trying to say cause i myself broke with my ex-gf over a fight in "facebook"

agreed with some of the above posts..lack of patience is the reason for all this.

Karthik said...

Clap clap clap!
Totally agree with you, Sammy. (There's nothing here to disagree anyway :))

This often happens more with the so-called 'deeply-in-love' couples than with friends.
Friends do stay with you (at least I've been lucky that way). Even if something goes wrong, they come back haunting and taunting you. "You ass, why the hell did you say/do that? Now, come on, you've hurt me, and you'd better make it up." And the kaminey saales start planning about the restaurants to go without even asking the person in question. :D

But when it comes to the "part time" lovey-dovey couples, it's a different ball game altogether. Most of them I've seen are desperate to have a gf/bf. It's not that they fall in love or something. It's just that, "Ok, everyone's having a gf/bf, so let me have one too." The attitude is not, "I love him/her very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him/her" but this: "It's cool (or kewl) to have a gf/bf, you know. You should try once." Bloody morons, I should say.

Having said this, I've also seen wonderful, mature couples among my friends too. Now that's really cool.
And I know very well about facebook love stories. Don't let me start about it. :P

So, Sammy, tell me. What am I now? 80-year old grandpa? I'm giving you company, eh? Come let's have a party. :D

CRD said...

it's true..people nowadays are getting more and more intolerant nowadays...we just don't have the patience and adjustability to make relationships work...the motto is "now or never"

but i guess to each his own..the patient ones can stay patient and find compatible relationships along the way...sometimes, whatever happens happens for the best


Quintessence Of Illusion said...

i loved this one....its so true...people have changed...the word "relationship" has been modified by us over the years...previously a person could either be single or in a relationship(as in a proper one)....but now i hear things like open-relationship,complicated relationship status...i feel disgusted...what the heck...even take for example friends...one goes..another comes so easily...how???these people leave me in amazement...this one is really good..*claps*

Selenium said...

Well, after reading your post (and the comments succeeding it) I see that "Patience" is the missing ingredient in all relationships.

O_o which took some time for me to understand.

Personally, I view all my relationships (friends, parents, elders, teachers, seniors, rommies but sadly no lovers...) as mathematical equations. There are some constants and some variables. And a equality or inequality.

I like to keep my equations linear with equality and one constant. A straight line is always the best :D
Though I have hyperbole, parabolas and even leminiscates in my list of relationships... -___-
But then, at least I know (with over 80% accuracy) how people will react/move ahead with my involvement.

Nethra said...

Hey, parents stay by our side no matter what so we can say that few relationships come with guarantee cards. Lol! :D

And about friends, we don't see any Jais and Veerus around us nowadays. It's a pity but very true. :(

By the way, we think alike (sort of if not totally). My mum says that I talk like a 80yr old lady. :P

Samadrita said...

@Ananya: Ah yes human nature indeed. But you have to agree that with our fast lives now-a-days we hardly have the time to sit and think about what we're doing. It's like 'instant noodles'. We just want to have it right away without going through the trouble of preparing it.

@Ankit: I was just stressing on what I get to see more these days. I'd alter the words you've used in your comment just a wee li'l bit and say-For every good relationship there are a 100 fickle ones. Patience is what we lack. You're definitely right there.

@Lazy P: Yes I hope there are such relationships as well. Otherwise the world will really be in shambles soon enough. Btw please get back to blogging soon. Miss your posts.

@Abhishek: OMG you did? that's horrible. See what I mean all you people? This is what everything has come down to. Thanks for the comment btw.

@Karthik: Haha I'm glad I have company. 80-year old grandpas and grandmas do exist among tweens I suppose. :)
And I've seen genuine couples too, ones who really cherish one another. But they are few and far between.

Samadrita said...

@CRD: Yes indeed. Lack of patience or the strength to hold on is the key reason. Good to see you on my blog after such a long time.

@QOI: Haha yes now-a-days there are several levels of relationships- complicated, confused and who-knows next they'll make 'half-hearted', 'not really into it' and so on.

@Selenium: You really love employing science and mathematics while defining the various aspects of life and relationships don't you? And no I don't find that bizarre. It's just a different perspective, that's all.

@Nethra: Yes the bond between parents and children is an unbreakable one. But these days most children are more inclined towards deserting them after they've come of age. Sad but true. Curse of a fast life.

Dhaval Pancholi said...

Relations do change, Best of the friends become unreachable even if technology had made us closer. Friends who would not stop talking for hours and hours suddenly black list you. The problem is 'Attachment' More you are attached More People hurt you. We have to be really be careful to whom we give importance because The person whom we give power to love we also give him power to hurt us. Hey you just refreshed all my lost friends memories Thanks keep posting.

Always Yours,

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SavvY said...

Hm. . . I agree to ur post. . . Everything changes and this time this is changing real fast. . It is not selfishness. . I would prefer to call them more self centred. Relationships and friendships have become cheap with no real value. I agree with Ritu that if we make ourselves someone whom every one likes, every thing will fall in place. . But it has to be done by all parties to a relationship. . I have a feeling that things are going to get much worse if we compare it with past. . But otherwise we will get used to it.

evanescentthoughts said...

I missed reading a beautiful post Sammy.. Glad I could read this.. a very thought-provoking post! :) Just looved it.. Even I have wondered about it a lot atleast in the last few years, where I have seen people acting as strangers all of a sudden.. Those who were so close at some point start acting like strangers because of a very simple fight or argument. I guess this is what happens when one grows old. They lose the strength to forgive and forget. When we were small kids, we would forget a fight in a min but it's not so with adults. But I agree with you in that people get a notion of "I will find another friend if I lose this friend", which is really the root cause for this.

Mehak said...

hmm.. thought-provoking post! i too wish at times that things came with gauranteess, but then, that would take the fun out of life. i think it is exciting to not know what will happen when... and even when things go wrong and we are left upset, ultimately we do realise the reason behind it and that's what helps us learn and truly LIVE life!

The Laughing Man said...

Instant Gratification is like alcohol or drugs... it makes you feel good at the time... but then leaves you hung over, wasted... or worse... But while I admit relationships dont come with guarantee cards... I can always hope... and I know that at least there are a few that dont break as easily as others...

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