Sunday, April 11, 2010

Goodbye,rain-drenched night

She fidgeted with the pillow and changed sides restlessly.
Closing her eyes she tried to drive away the disturbing images from her head but failed woefully at it.

Sleep was eluding her tonight.

Outside the confines of their apartment the elements of nature seemed to be wreaking havoc.

The rain lashed against her window-panes like a merciless whip and the thunder roared louder than ever. After a few more minutes she finally gave up on her feeble attempts at catching some shut-eye. The chiming of the wall-clock informed her that it was 2 in the morning. Sliding off her bed soundlessly she made her way towards the balcony.

By this time the rain had slowed down to a somewhat steady drizzle. Stretching her arms over the railing Akangsha looked into the face of the rain-drenched night.

An ominously dark grey sky seemed to be hovering above the world....threatening to break its peaceful stance.

The entire neighborhood along with its residents were in dreamland, no doubt enveloped in the cosiness brought about by the cool, damp weather.
In the room next to hers her workaholic mother was deep in sleep.
Akangsha wondered how her surroundings could look so calm and tranquil when deep inside utter chaos prevailed.

She crossed her arms and hugged herself tightly as if in a vain attempt to keep everything from falling apart. It was hard to imagine that things had been so normal two weeks back...when she had been so blissfully unaware of the devastating truth that would turn her world upside down.

With her right hand she checked her pulse.
Yes there it was. The other heartbeat. The gentle thrum-thrum of life that was breathing within her now...

She bent forward and inhaled the heady scent of moist earth.
Some things never changed. The smell was still as intoxicating as ever.
Suddenly her face broke into a half-smile as she let out a deep sigh.

Closing her eyes she glimpsed her father's face...the way her mother used to laugh incredulously when he cracked a silly joke.
Memories were such a gift to the human psyche....Just by closing her eyes she could go back to the good old days when they were one small but happy family.
Even if all of it had been a beautiful, lucid dream that was lost forever in the spiral of time.

If only she could have kept on dreaming for a while longer...
If only her dad had shared his health problems with both of them...if only her mom had given her a bit more time when she had nobody to talk to...if only she could go back to being the simple straight-A high-school student that her parents were so proud of...if only she could be given another chance at making things right.

If only she hadn't lost herself to desire that day...The irony in the fact that her name meant 'desire' made her smile bitterly once again.

Life couldn't possibly go on when so many 'if-only'-s were involved, right?

The spectacle of the mysterious, rainy night left her intrigued and mesmerized beyond words. The sound of the falling water-drops accumulating in puddles on the road felt like music to her ears.

The night was beautiful. Life was beautiful.
It had always been. She had only been the fool not to have realized it any sooner.

Akangsha decided to spend as much time as she could watching the rains that night.

After all she wasn't going to be there to watch the onset of the next spell of shower.

A bead of tear trickled down her right cheek as she whispered 'I'm sorry,mom'. Just when it had started to rain heavily again.

P.S:Just in case any of you had difficulty understanding the theme...this story centers around teen pregnancy and the thoughts of the protagonist who is contemplating suicide.
I know it's an incredibly sad piece but then again all this happens in real life all the time.
Take a look at this article.It contains statistics regarding teen pregnancies in our country.
Sig 2


Anish said...

sad and beautiful....yet so true....sometimes we all get like this...we lose the desire to live...we feel nothing can be salvaged....but maybe it could will only find out if you lived...

the mood is captured very beautifully...the backdrop of the clouds and the rain amplify the feeling of impending danger...well done!!!

Ankit said...

poignant..thought-provoking..touching.the trauma is painted beautifully, seamlessly mingling with the backdrop..i have felt it myself, the uncanny intimacy between sorrow and the rains..

a wonderfully written piece...but i can't help wishing it was more dynamic, there is too much reading between the lines. another chapter about the gal's past would have made the story better.(in my eyes that is)

Selenium said...

Because you've written about something I've no Idea about... I don't know what to say.
But yes, despite the sadness in this story there was a moment of hope when she though - "Life is Beautiful." But then the last few lines kinda shattered them. Really, Hope is something more brittle than glass ne??

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

sad ya real sad.... i mean not that teen pregancy is bad or curse, the little girls already scared have no support and compelled to end the beautiful creation of nature...sad.

Hopeless Romantic said...

Great lines and its an important issue for sure to be talked about!

keep penning!

Gyanban said...

I liked the way you constructed the loneliness psyche.
The sense of regret is very beautifully captured.

I believe there is nothing like getting carried away..people chose
their actions , and then when SHTF , they start looking for a scapegoat.

Samadrita said...

@Anish: Wow thanks a lot.Positive feedback from you means that I might have made an impact somewhere ;) :D

@Ankit: Yea I know what you mean.But I had intended to narrate the story this way..for I wanted to heighten the feeling of melancholy and a sense of regret.You see it is less about the plot and more about raw,real feelings.A description of how the girl came to be in this situation would've robbed the entire piece of its subtlety.
Glad to know you liked it :)

Samadrita said...

@Selenium: Yup in order to have a realistic ending to the story I had to snatch away the element of hope. :( Sometimes there's no hope left.

@Sid: Teen pregnancies are quite a common occurrence in countries like the US.It is frightening really.To be in a situation where you're left to choose among 2 evils...that's why it's always better to exercize caution and have self-restraint. :))

Samadrita said...

@HR: Thanks for liking it :)) The appreciation n encouragement are always welcome.

@Gyanban: Yes that's what happens.But we have to understand that 'to err is human'However some mistakes in judgement can be fatal.Thanks for reading :)

P.S:Btw it took me about 30 secs to figure out what SHTF meant lol.I know I'm hopeless with short forms.

Lazy Pineapple said...

beautiful story...

Teenage pregnancies are quite common these days.
With no support from home or society, it becomes quite difficult for teenagers to cope with this reality....

I feel that sex education becomes the prime responsibility of parents which most people shirk away from.

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

very realistic and timely..and serves as an awareness to us, youth, that we shouldn't be easily swept away by our own desires coz every mistake that we make, there's always a corresponding consequence we must face.

Atindriya said...

what strikes hard is the intensity.....that's the beauty

dukkhoke tomar kono bhoy nei, sheo bhalobashey said...

Nicely depicted. Since I don't have much of an opinion on the topic, I just liked the writing style.

Samadrita said...

@Lazy Pineapple: Thank you ma'am for your feedback.Yes teen pregnancies are indeed on the rise these days....parents should take care of their wards and look into their lifestyles.

@Ayu: Well said girl! :)

@Atindriyo: Lazybum you finally commented.Glad you liked it :)

@nesquarx: You liked the narration.That's good enough for me :)

Neha said...

Sammy, when you found that Guria's story sad; it was a kinda compliment according to me :P

about this piece; sad and true re..but you know, it is always better to communicate certain things with that they do not think of committing suicide..ending life is not the only solution right?

great post..

PS: Congratulations for the tangy pick :)

Samadrita said...

@Neha: Which story re?The 'Fool' one?Wait...was it you who wrote the story?
Yes I know what you mean..but sometimes parents,too,fail at performing their duties well.In this story the protagonist's mom got busy with her worklife after the death of her husband.
Result:Her daughter strays and commits a blunder.
Thanks for the comment! :)

The Guy said...

Okay maybe too mature a story for me....Or I'm really feeling numb after that ****ing loss by KKR.

Just Want to Congratulate you on the pick. Guess What I got one too. :) *hi5*



Guria said...

Yeah The Fool was mainly Neha's story...
This story was very well written, beautifully scripted. And the thought behind it should be really appreciated. Though I don't think the girl will finally commit suicide. :P :))
Congratulations on the pick! :)

Samadrita said...

@The Guy: Yup I just read your post and commented.Congrats to you too!Sorry about KKR though... :P

@Guria: Wow you commented on my post. *disbelief* :P
Thank you for those words.Actually even I donno whether the girl will commit suicide or not... I hope she doesn't. :(

Vibhuti B said...

A heart -wrenching story no doubt! And the pathos in the girl'smind also came through very well. If only you could have written more about Akangsha to bring out the teenage mind's turbulence and the compelling point of the suicide. The theme is clear but its just my personal thinking that there shouldn't be the need to explain at all!
WOnderful post overall, really And Congratulations for the Tangy Tuesday pick!

The Laughing Man said...

Sad but true. Good writing as always.

Anshul said...

Beautifully expressed.. yeah teenage pregnancy is common nwadays, and so is the number of suicides because of it. If only we don't give way to our desires always !!

Samadrita said...

@Vibhuti: First of all thanks for the visit.About the story...I wanted to keep things as simple as possible.You see it's more about the rainy night and the feelings of the protagonist rather than the issue I intended to touch upon.But I think you're right nonetheless.I'd try to make it flawless next time :))

@The Laughing Man: Thanks kyo kun!

@Anshul: Yep one of the bitter truths of reality.Good to have you on my blog:)

7-aTe-9 said...

first time here.... loved your story. simply loved the way you weave the emotions with the weather.

gonna blogroll ya now.... ;-)

pawan said...

I liked the way you weaved the imagery of the night into the darkness in the girls life. Though that part was small, it set a very good start to the story. In the end, should I tell you again that I liked it?
Well, if I shud, this story is awesome!

Keep writing, lady!

Samadrita said...

@7-aTe-9 Thank you lots girl.And welcome to my blog! :)

@Pawan: *bows* Such appreciation coming from a writer of your stature..means a lot to me.Thanks again :)

Karthik said...

I kinda knew it before reading P.S. *Yayyy!!* :)

"Life couldn't possibly go on when so many 'if-only'-s were involved,right?"
For me, this one line is the heart of the story. Poignant, yet so true.

Too good, Sammy. Telling a story in a typical fashion is different, getting into the skin of the character and showing (not telling) what's going on in the mind of that character is different. The latter is quite difficult, and you've excelled at it.

Exceptional! :)

saya said...

Hi I just came across your blog while surfing net.. And taught of just taking a peak at it.. The way you have penned down things are very eye- catching...

Real great work.. And have loads of stuff to read, good.. :)

I learn t that you are also a Japanophile through your profile which made me more excited as I am also a Japanophile ..

Keep writing and would love to read all your articles :)

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