Saturday, February 13, 2010

Let's Talk About Love

The cheesiness implied in the title drew your attention didn't it? Well that was the purpose anyway since Blogger seems to be suffering from CDS (Comments Deficiency Syndrome) now-a-days with few active bloggers around who care to drop by and offer their valuable feedback.
And without a reader's opinion the existence of a blogger becomes pointless.
Anyway let's come to the topic.
To all Celine Dion fans worldwide ...I'm sorry to disappoint y'all but this is not about her famous album.
But in any case this post is dedicated to love.
The significance of this mere 4-lettered word weighs so heavily on my shoulders that I feel unsure about doing this topic justice. But I'll try my level-best nonetheless.

Now those who've been reading my blog from the very beginning would probably know of my unusual(not in entirety though)views about love and relationships. For those who are new here's a brief overview of what I think:-

Our lives are based on need and convenience. We always hanker after the things which are worthy in our opinion. When presented with a set of options we always choose the one which suits our needs perfectly.So basically when we are getting involved with another person it's either because being with that person is the most convenient alternative available(meaning it makes us happy and/or enhances our social standing) or that person is really important in our eyes. There's little or no love involved.

This is USUALLY the case.
There is of course the situation when you feel an undeniable attraction towards a particular person and your heart pines for their company. Now would you call that love?
Maybe or maybe not. The attraction for a person stems from their good character traits or physical appearance agree or disagree.
What if the person in question loses some of those qualities? Would your feelings remain the same?-The answer to that will be fraught with uncertainties.

Think about the whole institution of arranged marriage-from matrimonial ads in a newspaper column to profiles on shaadi.com it's all about flaunting yourself and inviting the choicest of proposals. (Unpleasantly reminds one of some business deal.) Isn't all of this about making the best bet? Where is the love in that?

Some of you will opine that in such cases love sprouts after marriage like that Platinum Day of love ad depicts. But is it really true?
Maybe being with each other turns into a habit with the passage of time and the companionship of one becomes indispensable to the other. Which brings us back to square one-Need and Convenience.

About 'love relationships' one gets to see everywhere these days...the less said the better.To know what I mean by that read this older post of mine.


Have I tortured you enough at a time when love is 'supposedly' in the air?
My apologies but this is not what I had set out to do.
Denouncing love or its existence has never been my intention. How can I reject one of the fundamental truths about life?

I had a friend once-a companion, a confidante, a partner in crime.
We laughed at the ridiculousness of things, we argued over a million topics under the sun, we talked nineteen to the dozen over a drab cheese sandwich and a hot cuppa coffee. We had prolonged telephone conversations about everything and nothing, we engaged in deathly verbal battles and although rarely, we agreed with each other at times. No there was nothing lovey-dovey in this relationship. No stirrings of the so-called romantic love.

And yet I loved him....not in the way a woman loves a man but in a way one human being loves another.
I still care for him. I want him to smile and be happy. And I don't want anything in return.
Some part of my heart firmly believes that the feeling is mutual.
But we don't speak to each other anymore. One has become invisible to the other.
I can't really say what went wrong. One moment everything was fine...and in the next one everything fell apart. If you ask me what was the reason behind I won't be able to explain properly. But I fear our life-sized egos got in the way.
He would never apologize to me and I am too proud to go say a sorry to him. But we would feel what we feel from a distance. There's absolutely no hope that we'll ever make up but we continue to wish each other well.

So what do you call such a thing? a relationship devoid of any words, gestures or any kind of communication? a relationship where there are no needs or demands, no gains or losses?
I think I know what it is....a love between friends that few will understand and most will find strange.

A mother's pride in her child's achievement, a father figure silently watching over his family, an act of compassion towards a total stranger, a friend always ready to help you out in times of need-love is omnipresent in all its myriad colors.
But we are often too blind to notice.
Love exists....not to boost the sales of diamond trinkets, cards or cute teddy bears for V-day but to make life worth living.

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or
conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not
resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the
truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever
comes."-quote from Jamie's Bible in A Walk To Remember
P.S: Hey hey all my blogs need to have a PS. :P
A bit of an emotional post but I had to make it anyway.
And I haven't forgotten about the story. I'll post it soon enough.

Sig 2

31 comments:

CRD said...

really rational post. made great reading :)

Btw, the quote you gave in the end is actually from the bible...Corinthians 1, Chapter 13, verse 4 :)

Cheers
CRD

CRD said...

:)

Nightwing said...

when two people have been together a long time and been through a lot together...and stood by each other through thick and thin...the feeling they feel for each other is love...it applies to any relationship...except parents' love for their children which is unconditional...

but i dont know a lot about that...and havent been very successful in this department...so my views dont mean a whole lot...

oh about the post...really emotional and touching..seems like a topic very close to your heart...and yeah..some relationships really dont have any name...and to classify them would be to insult them...

and the lines are from bible indeed..though they were also in the movie a walk to remember..which was a really nice movie....

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

oh wow that was a senti post....no comments after this.

Happy valentines day...

Selenium said...

1st Reaction - Is she a hardcore realist? -___-

2nd Reaction - Why does this remind me of my Psychology Prof. O_O Someone save me....

3rd Reaction - She is a Rational realist :|

By The Way... Here is what I think love is - Any emotion that people weren't able to classify distinctly as one single emotion (especially among Happy, Sad, Angry, Scared and one or two more I forgot) and the emotion in discussion causes the individual deviate from his usual personality by 5% or more, is called Love

Anyways, that's my thoughts... don't use your brain if you didn't understand it. :P

Like my Prof said, Love, Religion and one or two more topics I forgot are not to be debated or question (If the individual wants to remain sane) Just flow with the river and avoid hazards.

NesQuarX said...

Ahh, they make such a fuss over the evolved form of our biological drive to extend our genes... Anyway, good analysis though, almost agreeable to.

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

very agreeable..well. love exists not only in partners but in every way a human interact with his co-human or to other things..

thanks for makes me realize it..when you don't feel like there isn't someone who loves you, this post fits perfectly..a reminder..yeah..and the need and convenience arises..what else can i say..? this is really a nice post :)

(P.S. if you'll reply to this comment..pls. put it in my blog's comment box so that i can update my comments :D)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

about your comment:

i know i know..but its really depressing..*sigh* giving hints is not easy..i dont think i could do that :'(
(P.S. if you'll reply to this comment..pls. put it in my blog's comment box so that i can update my comments :D)

The Guy said...

hmm.... insights..

"But I fear our life-sized egos got in the way."

That's generally the case! And for me....well I've lived too short to experience the dramatic effects of the four letter word! Till now its just a word for me...

Interesting Read! :)

Samadrita said...

@CRD:I'm glad you found it rational Chris.And yes the quote is indeed from the Bible..they were Jamie's favorite lines in A Walk To Remember

@Nightwing:Maybe it is love or maybe it is just a habit.Who knows?It's really tough to comprehend.
And yes this post is close to my heart for sure.

@SidYou can say that again.Although I don't really care much about it..a Happy Valentine's Day to you too! :)

@Nesquarx:"evolved form of our biological drive to extend our genes"- Lol that just about sums it up...or maybe not.
Let's just say I don't want to be such a staunch non-believer.Good things do exist in this world we live in. :)

Samadrita said...

@Selenium:Haha I like to call myself the fashionable geek you know so don't worry I understand your definition of love pretty well.But isn't that definition more appropriate for describing romantic love rather than love of the general category?

Oh yes I'm a realist alright but that doesn't stop me from having unrealistic dreams sometimes..lol
In any case are you a psychology student?

@ayu:That's what I believe.Love can be found in a place where you're least expecting it and at the same time conspicuously absent in a place where you were sure you'll find it.
But what's important is that love does exist.If you are alive and breathing then you have a purpose in life and you sure as hell have somebody's love which keeps you going! :)

Selenium said...

@Sammy ::> No... I'm a Elec. and Comm. student. I just study human psychology for timepass :P

And the definition I've give is a description of obsessive love. It could be between a romantic couple or between a father and son/daughter. Depends on the situation really...

Samadrita said...

@The GuyIt can't possibly be.Are you saying you haven't received the love of anyone so far in your life?-not from a parent or sibling or relative or friend or acquaintance? :)
Love is ever present my friend.Look around and you'll surely find it.That was the point of my post. :)

@Selenium:Ah yes that's what I heard the SG of the forums was-an engg undergrad.That's why I asked :)
Yes your definition talks about obsessive love.That's what I surmised but such a thing usually creeps in between lovers.A generalized version of love has more subtlety to it-like between parent and child or between friends.

Ranjith said...

Reminds me of your older blog post :) That post(which you have of course linked here) was the one I read first when I landed on your blog. Great post :) That was the good old Samadrita.

Coming to the present post,
But I would rather say that love isn't that omnipotent...Calling it to be present everywhere is like depreciating its value. It is only to be obtained only from special people from life. May be trying to obtain love from everywhere is a highly optimistic approach of life. But we all know that isn't the truth. Of course, you get it from Your Parents, your friends, and the one we love, but then its still specific. Great Post again Sammy.. *_*!!!

Carl said...

hehe funny thing I was reading this post on tumbler about Love:

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living! —Bertrand Russel

So basically no matter what it all figures in Life's devious plans : )

Karthik said...

Aaaarggghhhh!!! I'm literally pulling my hair. Such an emosional attyachar! :D :D :D
But on the second read, it did quite make sense to me. ;)
I can relate to your personal experience, but the only difference is that we've never fought and still remain best friends. Love certainly exists there.
I loved the last paragraph (just before the quote). So very true.
The tragedy on V-day is that people call "get in - get off - get out" kinda relationships 'Love'. So lame! They should be made to read this post. Those morons might understand then.
Beautiful, hair-pulling post! Hehe.. :)

P.S. Hope to read your story soon. :)

Quintessence Of Illusion said...

Good analysis gal....love cannot be defined...its abstract...the coventional cliched definition of love really turns me off......love can prevail between you and you pet..your parents and you...your friends and you....your favourite book and your pc too...So i totally agree with you....Enjoyed reading it

heavealie said...

this post made me dizzy and my mind went all fuzzy for a few minutes :)
i dont give that much thought to this four lettered word called love.but yea like you i do believe that love does exist in all these other things like a gardeners love for his plants,the way he nurtures them and feels all the emotions,just like that love exists everywhere but in different forms.i do agree that nowadays all these casual relations are also given the name of love but is it like a crime?i don't think so,there is not like a percentage meter or something??is it??to determine love!!you attach that word to any damn thing you want and you wont be punished for it.and btw!!that quote was just beautiful when landon reads it while sitting besides her bedside!!you want a dictionary about the word "love"-start reading nicholas sparks!!hehe he is like a chalta-firta encyclopedia of love.very well written post and keep writing!!

Samadrita said...

@RanjithNo re that wasn't my intention-to sound unrealistically optimistic.What I meant was we often mistake a totally different feeling for love and likewise fail to recognize the real thing even when it is right in front of us.Of course love can be obtained from special people...it is a special feeling after all.But sometimes we keep the door to our minds closed and become too narrow-minded.And that's bad.
Love is all around-if you search for it...no doubt you'll find it. :)

@Carl:Yup it totally does.Without love life's an empty shell...hehe sounds corny doesn't it?But if you think about it..it is kinda true. :)

Samadrita said...

@Karthik:Lol sorry about that buddy.In the first half of the post I sound like a stubborn non-believer don't I?That was the intention anyway.Just wanted to prove the fact that love isn't what you think it is. :P ;)
Oh and I'm glad you're still friends.My friend and I aren't that lucky however.

@QOI:Yep that's what I wanted to show through this post.Love exists...but probably not in the place you think you found it. :) Tricky no?
Thanks re!

@heavealie:If there would've been any love in them they wouldn't be called 'casual relationships' na heave?
That's the whole point.
Yes I've read 3 Nicholas Sparks titles so far.And while each of them have taught me some important lesson they've left me crying in the end at the same time. *sob* *sob* Good to see you back btw! :)

NesQuarX said...

Ahh, for something to be simple does not rob it of its goodness! It is good, no contesting that.

pritha said...

your article and the quote are so conflicting.....its quite obvious that u dont beleive in the quote.But thats the irony of life.People beleive in something but end up doing something totally opposite!!

Dipsy said...

a great read! yea this is a very common occurence amongst people close to one another and this ego factor somehow butts in. well the fact that u still think good for the mentioned person is one of the expression of ur love.
btw we get to hear this a lot - u fight with them most whom u love most/hold dear!
love is a strange thing!! i guess the best part of it is that u cannot know the best of a person without it!

smrithi rao said...

quite senti loged reading it though. :)

Anonymous said...

I guess, not everyone falls in love; some rise... above the insignificant arguments in life... because love is not the absence of arguments...it is the presence of it(along with trust)...
when you have the patience to argue for hours even though you know you wont gain anything at the end of it (except, perhaps another cup of hot coffee)...
when you remember the time and the place where you argued , but don't remember why...
and when you go on arguing for hours, just to spend more time with each other...
Someone's gonna remember this article forever...

√ij@y said...

First Time on your blog...the post is little bid long but of course
Like it...

Keep blogging
:)
You can check my blog here

Subhan Chandra said...

If this is CDS then how many comments will cure you?

atindriyo said...

Touching. extremely.....

atindriyo said...

and, I somewhat agree with Nesquie ol' boy, though I might be wrong....
Love, to me, is a funny itch in the heart...and at lonely hours, it gets unbearable, you feel like bursting out, heart and all, and you roll over and press your pillow against your mouth and, and....And I don't know what happens next....Maybe you do none of this and just gulp it down like a shipwrecked soldier gulps his stale rum down....

Nevertheless, these lines, written by Vladimir Mayakovsky may find their way into your hear:

"Past one o’clock. You’re probably in bed.
The Milky Way streams like the silver Oka.
I won’t send wild telegrams. I don’t intend
to trouble you and vex you any longer.
And now, as people say, our case is closed.
The boat of love could not endure the grind.
We’re even now. And there is no remorse,
let’s not bring up the sorrows left behind.
Behold what hush has fallen on the ground!
The starry night is grandiose and spacious.
At times as these, you rise and speak aloud
to ages, histories and all creation."

astrosunilnomy said...

loved reading something : this post after many days...good one insightful, keep writing

Anjana said...

hey u hav given a very practical definition of love in this post...a real fact wich rarely anyone will agree 2....Good work!.....m new 2 your blog but m finding it interestin...keep up da good work!!

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