Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Last Temptation

Hesitatingly he stood before the rows of neatly stacked cans and bottles.
He licked his lips in anticipation.His taste-buds could almost savour the cool bitterness of chilled beer.Beads of sweat formed at his forehead as he tried to fight his dilemma.

He glanced outside in the direction of his car-as if willing it to magically transform into his therapist and physically drag him out of the store.

But there was no one with him at the moment.He was left to fend for himself.
 He weighed the possibilities-
 His wife was at work.He could finish off the beer in his car and chuck the bottle at a roadside bin and go home.He will sober up by the time Carol returned.She has to know nothing.
And besides what harm could 1 or even 2 bottles of beer do?Surely he could handle that much.
Deep within he knew that it was a shallow argument he was presenting before his own conscience.But then what other option did he have?The allure was too strong.


'Oh...screw it.' he thought and picked up 2 white cans from the rack.He looked around the store nervously as if half expecting someone to ambush him from behind.
He wiped his forehead on his sleeve and proceeded towards the counter.
His cell-phone vibrated twice.
'Dammit..this better not be Carol.' he swore thinking of his wife.
His home number flashed on the phone screen.
'Daddy....' a high-pitched shriek greeted him from the other end as he answered the call.
'Cheryl'-he whispered as if realizing something for the very first time.He felt as if he had been hit by a bolt of lightning.
He closed his eyes.
'I got an A in Math...I got an A...yayy' the voice was bubbling with childish excitement and enthusiasm.

He inhaled deeply,suddenly reminded of how badly he had missed this voice in the past half an year-how he had regretted losing out to his own animal desires-how he had vowed to start anew.
'Mommy said I can have ice-cream...can you bring some on your way home?Please..pretty please!'

Carol

His wife had never left him alone despite the repeated threats for divorce.Reluctantly,furiously,grudgingly she had always stayed by his side during his darkest nights.
How could he have been foolish enough to even consider throwing it all away again?

'Hmm....let's see now..what flavor do you want?' he replied in a mock-serious tone.
'The black currant one... ' the voice on the other end shouted excitedly.
'Sure thing cherrypie...you be a good girl and finish your homework okay?Daddy will be back in an hour..' he answered back and cut the call.
He placed the cans securely on the rack from where he had picked them up and slowly walked to the other side of the store.
What 6 months of rehab couldn't accomplish his 8 year-old daughter did easily with one phone call.
He smiled at the irony of it all.
Never again will he succumb to temptation.

 

P.S:I had originally intended to develop this idea into a 55-word fiction but then somehow I felt I couldn't do justice to the inner conflict that an addict faces in such a short span.That's how this version came into existence.

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36 comments:

nesquarx.com said...

True, 55 would not have done justice to this. Good work.

Karthik said...

I'd not have enjoyed this much if you'd made it into 55 fiction. Glad you didn't. ;)
Beautiful story. Liked the description of the child very much. Very sweet indeed. :)

megzone said...

good one there :)
glad you dint restrict it to 55 fiction...
apt usage of words...
keep em coming :D

Guria said...

Very beautifully scripted! Loved the content Sammy!
Have missed reading you! No more!! Somehow I'm seeing so many posts by you, written recently, but my dashboard doesn't show them! Even today I had come by just like that, thinking you haven't written for a long time! :P :)
Will surely be regular from now on! :)

Samadrita said...

@nesquarx:Yea a 55 word fiction based on this theme would've been inappropriate I think. :)

@Karthik:Yayy I'm glad you thought so.The man's child plays a pivotal role in the story you see...so had to sketch her out as best as I could in this limited span. :)

Nightwing said...

what's it with you and 55 fiction???this story was so much better than those....your usage of words must be commended....well done...and hope to see more stories like this in future...

Samadrita said...

@megzone:Sure thing girl.Just keep watching this space and I'll keep you entertained...hopefully. :P
Keep reading.

@Guria:Ah I guess your dashboard doesn't like me very much :( You can never say anything with Blogger you know cuz all kinds of problems crop up when I try to post-weird HTML errors and all that.Anyway thanks for the lovely comment Sreya.Glad to have you back in the blogosphere too.Keep writing! :)

Samadrita said...

@Nightwing:Yayyyy this is my day.You liked my story!!*dances in glee*
Yea 55 fictions kind of suck since they impose a limit of 55 words on your creative freedom right at the beginning.
Thanks again!

Tanmaya said...

Hi!
"What 6 month rehab could not accomplish, his 8 yr old daughter did".... very true...
nice story... it felt good reading it...

Samadrita said...

@Tanmaya:Hey thanks for the feedback girl.I'm glad you felt that way. :)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

well..nice short story..^_^ at last ive read it..hehe..well..its amazing how the young daughter of the addict has swiped out all his bad habits and temptations..it was a nicely written story with a deep captivating plot~! i wish all persons who are under the influence of drugs with families will also realize what they are leaving behind when they are with cigarettes and alcohols..:)
-------------------------------------
(P.S. if you'll reply to this comment..pls. put it in my blog's comment box so that i can update my comments :D)

ARiTRA said...

A nice one! Now I can see you are really back Sammy :)

Samadrita said...

@ayu:You are bang on girl.People should realize that they are forgetting about their families and loved ones,when they are giving themselves up to their addictions.

@Aritra:Yes I really am back.I guess it took me 5 posts to convince you lol.

somsubhra said...

Well,I guess when some people become full time addicts their family and friends don't matter any more,which is really sad.

This story is neatly done. Well thought out,aptly expressed,smoothly written.Good work,keep it up!

☆Ths[Schrei]☆ said...

well! I really loved this one! :) So nice--so short and so sweett!! :)

wisewit said...

I agree: this wouldn't have worked as 55 word fiction. I think 55 word is good as an exercise to see how much you can put into a few words, but you shouldn't let it become a prison. . . .

The story is nicely done, but I do think it might be better to try to explain less and show more. Also, there are a few minor awkward spots.

wisewit

MADHU RAO | (INDImag.COM) said...

That was such a wonderful story ; short, succinct and power packed. I have a 3.5 year old and could just picturize the story like it has played out so many times for me -- sans the alchohol, not into that stuff :-)

Meandered in from Adda ; will return for more.

You write well Samadrita.

Samadrita said...

@somsubhra:Hey thanks for dropping by again.I'm happy to know you liked the story :)

@Schrei: Thanks girl. :)

Samadrita said...

@wisewit:Yep I know what you mean.Too many of the sentences begin with either 'he' or 'his' and that probably sounds a bit weird. :(
Anyway glad to know you liked the story.I'll write better next time.So how have you been?

@MADHU RAO:First of all thanks a lot for the visit and the lovely comment.I am too young to understand how it feels to be a parent but I still tried to picture the whole thing in my mind.I'm sure most dads feel the way the protagonist did.
Glad to have you as a reader.Come back again. :)

The Guy said...

Congratz on the pick! Nice one! Its mind that matters! Thoughts over power addiction! Loved the idea! :)

Never Ending Memories said...

Fantastic story..u did the right thing that you didn't opted for 55 word fiction otherwise, it would have not done the justice

wisewit said...

Actually, I've been sick bit for the last few days. Not very sick, but enough that this is the first day I'm actually feeling alive again.

Oh well, that's life, I guess.

wisewit

Sayon said...

nice piece !!


you did actually impart the idea of what subtle yet true love is capable of!!

Samadrita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Samadrita said...

@The Guy:Thanks a bunch. :)

@Never Ending Memories: Yea that's what I thought as well.Thanks for the visit

Samadrita said...

@wisewit:I see.I kinda guessed that part but you also sounded a bit depressed.I am glad you feel better now.Take care! :)

@Sayon:Yup..love for one's near and dear ones.Thanks for dropping by.

☆Ths[Schrei]☆ said...

hey! Thank you! :) Glad you feel like that of my poem! :)

Selenium said...

Right after I finish writing a story on a smoker I read about alcohol addiction.

But it was fantastic. This was short sweet and I'm glad you kept it away from the 55 word limit. :)
Reading this I realize that I've writing anything realistically was never my virtue. I've never been able to write as realistically as you did in this one (or the other Old Lady v/s Housewife story). Even my story about the smoker is total fantasy...

mohit said...

hey...amazing little story...

uve got a cool blog yourself :D

Samadrita said...

@Schrei:Hehe I truly do.

@Selenium:You know every writer has a unique style of his/her own.So it's no big deal...the important thing is to keep the readers engrossed.Thanks for the nice comment :)I'll make sure to read your story....after I return from college today.

@Mohit:Thanks and welcome to my blog! :)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

so true..thanks for replying my comment though i wished you also posted it to my blog's comment box to keep me updated..but anyway..good day~! its nice to be back here in blogosphere~! :P

Ranjith said...

We do change for the things that matter a lot to us...The indirect soliloquy at the end was brilliant...:) Keep going...

PS: Getting to read blog posts on my mobile's feed reader does make me lazy with the PC.. Gosh! I finally commented.. :)

Samadrita said...

@ayu:Welcome back!

@Ranjith:Hey glad to see you on my blog again.To be truthful even I use my mobile a lot when it comes to tweeting or surfing the net.Although I prefer to blog from the pc.Thanks for the comment. :)

Anonymous said...

Nice post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you for your information.

The Laughing Man said...

Super... 55 words could never have been enough...

Samadrita said...

@Anonymous:It helped with your college assignment?Wow I'm glad then. :)

@The Laughing Man: Yea I know :)

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