Thursday, January 14, 2010

Confessions

I've tried time and again to keep my blog as less personal as possible-I vowed to myself that no matter what happens I would not rant about the woes of my everyday living. (although I've ended up breaking this self-imposed rule quite a few times)
I see so many bloggers across the blogosphere pouring their hearts out about life, love and other disasters. And sometimes I find their posts quite fascinating.It's wonderful to have an insight into the lives of others without having to be acquainted with them.
But then again I wondered who would want to concern themselves with the lives of people they barely knew when everyone are so caught up in theirs.
I always thought that I was blessed with a snow-cold heart-one that isn't easily moved. But then I wonder why my eyes moistened when Ofelia, the juvenile protagonist of Pan's Labyrinth, presses her ear against her mother's pregnant belly and whispers to her yet unborn little brother to be kind to her when he comes into existence.

It's amazing how I contradict myself every second isn't it?

I always believed that the past held no importance in my eyes. I was only concerned with the future. I was confident enough that I  wouldn't let anything thwart my progress...that no matter what I won't let sadness touch me.
Maybe that's the reason why my mind has invented this self-defense mechanism where I go in denial mode, shut out all negative thoughts and try and pretend 'I'm fine on my own'.
And I might add that it works most of the time.
But there are occasions when I feel completely lost, want to cry my heart out and feel so vulnerable that it almost scares me.
A bunch of unanswered questions haunt me at such times-
Is this a charade I'm putting up? Which one is the real me?



This post is sounding more and more like the angst-ridden confession of a teenaged delinquent isn't it?
Well that can't be helped. It seems like I'm blessed with multiple personalities.
*giggle*
I have finally understood what it is-the thing that has been troubling me.
I try and repress my human instincts most of the times 'cause I hate being weak.
I hate depending on someone else.
I hate relinquishing control.
But I've realized my mistake now.
Sometimes you just have to let yourself go along with the flow. You have to trust, hope and believe.
You can't renounce the happenings of the past in order to shape a different future.

At this moment I firmly believe in the fact that nothing happens without a reason.
Without painful memories one would never learn to appreciate the worth of happier ones. It's like an unending chain of events where you'll find a new beginning lying right after every possible conclusion.

Nobody can survive on their own.We need friends,family and people to fall back on in times of need.

Right now I'm thankful to everyone who have come into my life in the course of the last 20 years. Sure I have lost in touch with some of them but in no way are they forgotten. And all of them have taught me some invaluable lesson that I wouldn't have been able to learn otherwise.
It's only because of them that I feel stronger, more confident and sure of everything that I do.

True it's hard to come to terms with the changing equation of relationships. But we need to remember that the time spent with loved ones never dies.
With this parting thought I bid adieu my friends hoping for a change you will like to read something angsty and a tad depressing. :P

P.S:YES this is my comeback post.

P.P.S:About the reference to Pan's Labyrinth..it just happens to be one of my recently watched movies.
Go watch this brilliant masterpiece if you still haven't.
Oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!

Sig 2

21 comments:

nesquarx.com said...

Welcome back. And it's healthy to be angsty at times, and I did notice that you still managed to keep it quite impersonal (: Have a great year ahead.

Nightwing said...

1)you think too much.don't!!!!that's a job for politicians,philosphers and Aamir Khan... :P :P

2)all those corny,mushy,'heartstring-tugging' 'touching' movies are getting to your head.THOSE ARE NOT REAL!!!!they are just movies made to win awards!! :D

3)Who's that cute girl in the picture??? :D

4)hope to see your next post before next year.. :P

Ranjith said...

You know, I thought, I'll never get to comment on your blog again... Voila!!, Am doing it... Looking forward to the New you...and your blog...:)

Samadrita said...

@nesquarx:Somehow I managed. :wink:
And thanks a lot for the welcome. :)

@Anish: 1)There's a philosopher within everyone you know.

2)I surmise you haven't watched Pan's Labyrinth.Trust me on this one Anish..WATCH IT.

3)Tough luck 'cause I don't know.Nor do I have her phone number :P

@Ranjith:Hey thanks buddy.I'm just glad to know the fact that y'all still remember me. :D

Karthik said...

Yo man yo! Look who's back from a self imposed exile! :-)

"A bunch of unanswered questions haunt me." Well, maybe some questions are not meant to be answered.

It's really good to put your deepest thoughts in writing, not for the readers to analyze, but for yourself. That's one great advantage of blogging. Writing is certainly therapeutic, isn't it?

Again, nice to see you back in the game. Happy New Year to you too! Have a great year ahead. :-)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

well..i do sometimes created a wall that no one can penetrate..but i realized its easier to share your problems with others..they can help you and advise you what you should do :P

Chocolate Lover said...

happy new year :)

Siddhesh 'Ravan' Kabe said...

welcome back sammy, don't think too much...:P

ur head will blast...:P

Samadrita said...

@Karthik:Yea this post was purely for therapeutic purposes. :)

@Ayu:You see that's the whole problem with me.I am always there for my friends when they are faced with problems but I rarely go to them to help with mine.But hey no need to worry.I'm fine now.Nice to see you again girl! :)

@Chocolate lover:Hey nice to see you on my blog.Same to you girl!

@Sid:I think you are right.Don't worry I won't make such an emo post anytime soon. :P

Selenium said...

hope to see you blogging more frequently now :)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

thanks for the compliment..well..narrative poems is hard to made up but it gives me the inspiration to do it..esp. if its about tragic endings :P

anyway..im glad you are okay now..i have some sorts of problems like that..i still have a part of me that never tells what i feel but i usually blog my feelings coz i know they would not read it and otherwise i'll get some more reasonable and helpful advises from others that dont need to ask so many questions i dont like to answer..:P

heavealie said...

ohh welcome back to the world of blogging.your exams were going on right?coz it looks like one of those amy winehouse types rehabilitation and "discovering yourself" period hehe!!anyways glad to see you writing again and yeah happi new yr!!

Quintessence Of Illusion said...

Welcome back dear.....a nice personal yet impersonal post

Samadrita said...

@Selenium:Yea I hope I'm able to be regular from now on :)

@Ayu:Warding off personal questions can become a kind of a pain.That is why I refrain from making personal posts most of the times.But since I'm human even I'm bound to crack too.

Samadrita said...

@heavalie:Lol sounds pathetic no?Kinda filmy and dramatic too I suppose >_>
Yea I will blog regularly now!

@Writu:Thanks girl!

scarlet pimpernel said...

Finally a chick who hates cats !!!

☆Ths[Schrei]☆ said...

hey... it's happiness can only be shared... they showed some life documentary of a guy who decided to spend his life in the wild alone and is sure he'll be happy with that. but in the end he dies cuz of eating some plant(a poisonous one) and realizes that happiness can only be shared. it's a nice movie and it's called 'into the wild'...
P.S:Glad to have ye back girl! :)

Samadrita said...

@scarlet pimpernel:Ah there are few wise people in this world you see. :P
Mostly everyone are deceived by appearances.A cat is a useless cuddly little ball of fur which does nothing useful.

@Schrei:Thanks a lot! :)

sawan said...

Welcome back and a hapy New Year :) a nice note. its one life tht we have, why not smile and walk together :)god bless ya.

Samadrita said...

@sawan:Thank you for those words :)

vivek said...

Hi , this is my 1st read of yours , and as I just jumped into this new post of your Confession ..well , blogging is the way to express our-self and when we want to reflect back if we read what we have written makes us live that moment again

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