Saturday, September 05, 2009

Feverish Ramblings

It's interesting how a fever turns me into a philosopher all of a sudden. While trying to cope with a throbbing headache, a slight cold and an aching body my inquisitive mind goes about searching for answers to all the questions that haunt me from time to time. And not only that.I suddenly switch from lazybones to workaholic mode and insist on cleaning out my bookshelf-a task that I've been postponing for months. Then my mom has to give me this incredulous look and a stern glare. And all my enthusiasm for completing pending chores goes out the window and I deflate like a balloon suddenly stuck with a needle. I walk back into the confines of my room feeling completely and utterly useless.
I like fevers really. They make you feel so different. And I don't mean the physical discomfort that bothers you during this time. I'm talking about the other feelings it brings with it...or maybe it's just me. Whenever I am sick my body goes all limp and heavy but my mind goes into overdrive. And I think about everything under the sun-things that come to mind from time to time but one has to drive these thoughts away because supposedly they are a 'waste of your time'.
Anyway since I'm running a high temperature today I'm totally into one of those phases. Let me tell you how my day went.
I woke up at 8 in the morning fully intending to attend college. But sadly enough the germs inside me had other plans so I realize that I'm feeling more groggy than I usually feel while brushing my teeth. Obviously fevers make you slow.
It is only after changing into my clothes I realize that my body is refusing to co-operate when I'm trying to speed up the whole process of dressing up and also-I've a slight cold, a temperature and a sore body.
WTH? I've a fever.
Bingo..genius! -_-
Placing her hand on my forehead and shaking her head disapprovingly mom confirms my fears and I'm pronounced unfit for college.
So no college for me. No going out. No straining myself.
Hot coffee. 4 cups of it and some chicken soup. And Calpol or Crocin.
All too familiar routine.
But the thing is my germs are quite persistent. And the fever refuses to come down. So naturally mom is apprehensive given the ongoing swine flu scare. To console her I point out the fact that I'm not throwing up. Also neither do I have a sore throat nor any nausea. So I guess I'm safe. Hopefully :(
Swine flu or not I'm sent to bed to go catch some rest. But I'm unable to sleep.
It's all so weird. When I have to wake up early and get ready for college (trust me it's a long distance away from where I live) all I wanna do is snuggle into bed. Yet when there's no way I can go out and am asked to sleep away the whole day all I long for is to do something constructive-like organizing my dressing table or catching up with studying or cleaning the bookshelf ( or changing my blog layout for the umpteenth time. :P)
But I'm not allowed to do that.
That is when I understood what the problem is-we are never ever satisfied with the present situation. We never treasure what we already have. We never realize how perfect life is after all....'cause we are too busy picking out the flaws, too busy complaining about what we don't possess yet.
But hey this is human nature so nothing can be done about it.
Human nature sucks.
I'll give you more reasons for this declaration.
I was at the Rashbehari crossing the other day, the usual spot where the 3 of us board a bus to college.And there is this huge banyan tree over there which no doubt houses a miniature mandir (temple). And I'm standing right in front of it - blocking the tiny idol inside from the view of passers-by - when a middle-aged man dressed in jogging gear asks me to step aside and after folding his hands and muttering something incoherent promptly drops a 10 rupee note in the drop-box. He goes away with this happy expression on his face completely ignoring the little boy in dusty clothes who had asked him for alms a moment ago.
A 10 rupee note for God..someone who does not even need money to buy food 'cause.....FRIGGIN HELL HE DOES NOT NEED TO EAT..not like the little boy who could have probably bought himself a simple breakfast out of that meagre 10 rupee note.
Is this how we are supposed to maintain contact with God? Do we really need a medium(usually a dhoti-wearing ugly man with a protruding paunch who goes by the name of a purohit/pujari/pandit) or a particular place of worship?


Nope we don't. Atleast I think so. And this answer did not come to me today.I just realized it all over again. And God did it feel good!(pardon the swearing God but hey I have honest intentions)

I think I know you God. I've met you quite a few times...when I have studied diligently before exams and done my other duties, when I've helped mom with doing something she was having a hard time doing or when I've wiped a dear friend's tears away with my own hands and made her smile. You were with me all those times. And you were smiling benignly weren't you?
And during my darkest nights when I was losing my faith in everything...you did not leave my side even then....urging me to hold on and promising that everything will be alright. And everything did turn out to be fine.
But I also know of the times when you left me alone....when I felt jealous or furious or committed an act of selfishness or felt bitter and vengeful.
And those were the worst moments of my life.

I think I've finally figured out a way to reach out to you.
All I have to do is reach out to the human-the good one-within me.



Sig 2

15 comments:

Ranjith said...

hmmm, interesting post. well, yes the human mind does realize stuff at extremely weird situations. Always happens :-)

Get well soon...and keep posting.

Sayandeep Kundu said...

really nice post..
enjoyed it a lot..
hmm.. realization is something u don't even know when it's gonna happen...the most interesting and beautiful part of your writing is where you clearly revealed your vision 'bout your unadulterated spirituality-an amalgamation of true love and perseverance..whereby u approach somebody called God....and u find a way to ur heavenly pleasure.. exploring the human in us is all we need to do.. that's the real God.. it's manifestation is divinity..this was once famously said by Swami Vivekananda..
and realization of something so vivid implies that u r on the way to explore that divinity in u..all the best..

Nightwing said...

err...if you tried to sleep...may be you would get better....don't think so much....leave that to our politicians...lol...

as for the post...nothing to say.,..very well written...as always....

Samadrita said...

@Ranjith:Thanks I will :)

@Sayandeep:Yeah who can forget these famous words by Swamiji.....'Jibe prem kore jeijon sheijon sebichhe ishwar.'(Those who care for all living things are the only ones serving God.') :)

@Nightwing:Thanks and btw sleeping does not help.My temperature goes up if I do that. :(
And since when do politicians think? :P

Atindriya said...

:) I think of these things even when i'm perfectly normal.... Fever seems to give you that kick........
Takes you closer to god.... one that may just exist.....

Quintessence Of Illusion said...

Human mind is so fascinatin........rather i shuld say human beings are so unpredctble n fascinatin.............d realstion n d whole idea dat has crept inta ya mind is indeed interestin........as usual i olwaz enjoy readin ya posts.......

freelancer said...

lols...loved it
sure its not swine flu??
hehe..i write a similar blog called scribblings. check it out :P
lols..get well soooooon

Samadrita said...

@Atindriyo:Nah I think a lot all the time.But fevers just make me think even more :P

@Writu:I'm glad to know that.

@freelancer:Nah I'm better already.Just terribly weak which is an aftermath of fever.I already added your poetry blog to my blog list.Will check the Scribblings one too :)Stay in touch.

Aditya said...

//I think I've finally figured out a way to reach out to you.
All I have to do is reach out to the human-the good one-within me.//

What a finish to a perfect post.

Nice thoughts. Sharpen them :)
Keep writing. Cheers :)

Asim Bandyopadhyay said...

I like your post. Its a good one and honest. I can feel your feelings about GOD. I mull by this way. Nourish the feelings. How are you?

Samadrita said...

@Aditya:Thanks I'm glad you liked the post.Keep in touch :)

@Asim Bandyopadhyay:Why thank you!I'm much better now. :)

Diptasree said...

spirituality so simply observed.loved it sam. ^^
if one can reach to their soul..they figure out the answers to their most confusing queries.but people hardly give time to even realise that!

Samadrita said...

@Dipta:Thank you I know you'd.
*hugs*

sawan said...

its the first time i am cin fever turning some one all philosophical!! impressive :)

Samadrita said...

@sawan:Haha I know.I'm weird. :P

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